I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
