i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
