Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
