bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We had sex on a dog bed..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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