Got a toothbrush?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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