dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
