I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
