I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
