So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
