Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
