do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
