I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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