Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
