Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
