Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
