He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
