awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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