I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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