So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm too high and old for this...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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