i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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