she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
