he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No subtext here. People are naked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
