Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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