His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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