i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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