Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
