big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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