so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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