This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
