that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
