Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm passing your future prison.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
