Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
