So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
