hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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