The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
