I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
