Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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