oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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