I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
