Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
