My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
