Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
