I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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