"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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