I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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