11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
