If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
