Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
