So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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