i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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