We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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