i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
