youre lurking in front of me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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