do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
