he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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