he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
