Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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