dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
