I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
