No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Less talking, more tequila
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
