his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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