our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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