He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
