the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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