My friends, they love my intelligence
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
