I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They have beer where we have blood.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
