I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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