I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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