it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
